Extremely Frustrated With 5 Days To Go

Well if you’ve been keeping up with me and read my entry for yesterday you will know that I was horrible and got on the scale.  So seeing that I didn’t have that much to eat yesterday, not because I’m trying to starve myself but simply because I was quite busy at work and eating didn’t really cross my mind. Hmmm, maybe after seeing my weight this morning I shouldn’t have eaten at all.  Yes I got on the scale and it showed me to weigh 204.1 pounds.  So I only lost 5/10 of a pound.  How disgusting is that?  I’ll tell you…It is very disgusting.  Stupid me had to go and get so darn large and now I’m struggling to get it off.  I see other people around me and they easily drop weight with slightly adjusting what they eat.  I will not count calories, I hate living by counting things and counting carbs is bad enough but at least I like what I eat now.

So I lost half a pound and I’m really pissed.  I’m hoping to get on the treadmill today and do some walking while at work and then after work I’m going to have to stay and do a light workout probably using body weight exercises and maybe that will kick my body back into the losing stage.  I really am extremely frustrated and just want to scream bloody murder…”BLOODY MURDER!”   Damn I don’t feel any better.

I decided that in looking back on what I was eating, I was really eating good by having fried chicken and mashed potatoes and vegetables so I will have to focus on eating much better like week one and for the next few days I’m going to have to exercise a whole lot, like walking every day and start doing body weight exercises.  I continue to ask myself why I’m doing that and the only answer I can come up for me….I’m not talking about anyone else but for me….being fat sucks!  I hate the way the clothes fit on me, I hate feeling as if I can barely fit in a chair, I hate having to think whether or not my kayak can hold my weight (yes it can hold my weight but it does have a limit of 250 pounds).  I know I haven’t been kayaking this year so far but the water is still too cold and although we’ve had some warm days, not enough to warm up the water.  I have a cheap kayak and where I sit down are where two scupper holes are located, so needless to say my bottom always stays wet, not a great feeling so that is why I wear my swimsuit under my clothes.  I think this year since I’m going to Canada with a group and then to DragonCon that I can’t afford to buy the kayak that I want which will be about $800 or the one that I really want which would be $1,500.  But until I win a huge jackpot lottery I will have to struggle and save a whole hell of a lot.

Right now I’m toasting bread so that I can make chicken cordon bleu and other than the bread crumbs on the outside of the chicken, it is good and not going to knock me out of the ballpark on the carb count.  Yes I’m extremely disappointed with my weight and the stagnation puddle that I’ve hit but I’m determined to be under 200 ponds upon weigh in on Sunday which means I’ve really got to push it these last 5 days.

I started my push at work, I was getting frustrated because I keep on asking my group going to Vancouver where they want to stay but still I haven’t gotten a reply so my frustration began to grow and rather than act like a horse’s back side I decided to go walking.  So I went and walked 2 miles on the treadmill and guess what?  My frustration I was feeling went away.  I started to feel it again so I decided to start writing here.

Guess I had better start listing my food and get it over and one with.

BREAKFAST:  coffee, 2 strips of bacon – 2 gm

LUNCH:  Marie Calendar’s chicken pot pie – 38 gm

DINNER:  Chicken Cordon Bleu – 18 gm

I’m really pushing it at 18 grams with dinner because I really don’t think that I used that much in bread crumbs when coating the chicken.  I guess I just cooked it to prove that I could but I think next time I will be a bit choosier about the chicken breasts and be a touch more tender when I pound the chicken breasts.  But the taste is good and that is all that really counts.

I will try to work out after work but not sure if I will be able to do it.  I may just do a very light work out with body weight so maybe I should do a little more searching and find the exercises I want to do so I will be prepared for later.  So later days and I guess I’ll catch you tomorrow and I promise not to be as frustrated or upset with myself or anything else.

Oh yeah and I will stop my princess and the pea routine.  I had hurt my back the other day and had gotten the air mattress out and put it on top of my regular mattress.  It is a queen air mattress with a double layer and put it on top of my regular mattress which meant that I had to use a kitchen step stool to get up onto my bed.  Earlier today I deflated it because my back is feeling much better and it is time for me to start cleaning up things before my brothers come in this weekend.

So now I’ll sign off and do some body weight exercise searching so I will be ready when 2300 hours hits.


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