Wipe Out

No I did not go surfing.  Instead things have gotten kind of bad.  Just in case I somehow forgot to tell you, I have CTS (Carpal Tunnel Syndrome) and have had it since 1990.  Thankfully most of the time since when I was first diagnosed it has only bothered me some with minimal problems.  The last time I had this much pain from CTS was when I moved and I did severe harm to my hands and barely had any use of my hands for 2 months.  Well as of the end of March and about the last time I posted things have dramatically gone down hill.

I have been struggling with problems of numbness in my wrist and occasional numbness in my fingertips.  However in the last 40 days I have had numbness in 3-4 fingers on my right hand which means that I really have to focus on what I’m doing whether it be driving, riding or typing as I’m doing now.  I had been getting neuromuscular massages to help relieve some of the pressure of CTS but due to deaths in family I was unable to keep my appointment and since then I have not been able to get my appointment with him.  Finally there was a break and an opening for me but it is not until June.  Yeah I know that is a heck of a long time to wait but I’m hoping he can bring me some relief.

Meanwhile, I was trying to eat right and was doing good for a week and then things rapidly went downhill with my hands which threw me out of whack.  I was and still experiencing constant numbness in 3-4 fingers on my right hand which is a bummer since I’m right-handed.  My job, well let’s just leave it at that because I’m still distressed about that.

So stress from that compiled with the stress of the situation and things are looking kind of gloomy despite my best efforts.  So lifting weights at the time is out of order so why not ride my trike (Serenity) because it does leave me with a feeling of peace and serenity?  Well I started doing that but the numbness in my fingers/wrist increased as I had to use my hands to guide me on my trike and keep me from running into curbs/cars and onto bad road areas.  Turns out my favorite bike riding path has vegetation that causes breathing difficulties for hours after the ride.  Yeah I would get short of breath after a lot of exertion but I would catch my breath within a few minutes at the most.  That wasn’t the case for my favorite path, so that path is out.

I am excited because in two weeks I will finally get my massage appointment and I will hopefully get some feeling back into my wrist/fingertips.  So basically I’ve wiped out and kind of kicked the bucket of pain and caused myself more pain.

So where does that leave me?  Well I am giving myself 90 days to try and do something so I’m not in pain when I make my journey to Atlanta for DragonCon.  I’m still determined to at least fit into some BDU’s so I can march in the parade without looking like the stay puft marshmallow man or the Michelin tire man.

All I need to do is work out a plan that will allow me to exercise and eat right, that is, right.  Snap, that is easy.  NOT!!!!!!

I’m going grocery shopping tomorrow so I will start trying to eat right by buying things I will need to make.  I have someone willing to help me out by doing some of the cooking so I don’t strain myself even more holding/stirring, you know all of those cooking things.  I have some smaller hand weights that I’m going to try and use to try and wake up some of my deep hiding muscles in my arms.

I have already found that by sleeping upright, sitting up in bed, the pain has greatly diminished in my wrist and some of the feeling is coming back to my numb fingers and now instead of 4 number fingers, I only have 3 numb fingers.

I was sort of feeling like a storm cloud was hanging over my head…oh wait that is just the weather outside right now.  I’m finally seeing how badly I want something which is to be able to walk in the parade without embarrassing the rest of the group I will be marching with by being too large for BDU’s.  Well that and the fact that when I clap my hands I don’t want to feel the flab on my upper arms waving back and forth after I stopped clapping.

So I’ve been wiped out and allowed all sorts of things to bother me but now that has to change.  I’m ready to do a few things to change in hopes that the small changes will spur me on.  I’m not sure if I’m going to keep a daily journal or not because right now typing is getting to be a bit hard for me.  Maybe I’ll just break it down to a weekly journal and maybe put a thing or two about what happened each day.

Yes I am seriously looking into one of those dictation programs so I won’t have to type but I know that I will miss typing.  Still thinking about whether or not to buy the program.  I just ordered a pannier rack /bracket/bag that I can put on my trike so when I do take the trips I can hear music on my MP3 player through my external speaker and not have to try and balance it on my lap.  Now although it will be several weeks before it gets here but at least I can build back up my wind by walking.  I have new inserts for my shoes and am using them to help lift up my fallen arches so I will no longer be flat footed.

Besides when I go to Atlanta, we are going to be celebrating two of my friends retirement.  They have retired from their jobs one who was under extreme stress to the point of her having to basically be there 24/7/365.  They forgot that she was human and needed some bits of a life outside of work.  So what does that have to do with my new focus on losing weight.  Well we plan to eat at a few very nice places while at DragonCon and if I eat I don’t want to be walking around with my waistband popped open because I’m too fat to fasten up my pants.

So I may have wiped out and I’m still sitting on the ground chuckling at my dumb mistakes and dusting myself off.  But I’ll be starting again to give myself the most important thing, better health and to feel better about myself.  I would love to be as fit as I was in my mid 20’s but that ship has sailed a long time ago.  So now time for me to start paddling my way back to not being terrified to look in the mirror at my body.

You would not believe how long it has taken for me to type this up so if there are mistakes, typos, etc… too bad.  Sorry for the lack of better grammar and poor attitude but being in pain really doesn’t leave much room for being happy…but I’m trying to find my happy place.