Extremely Frustrated With 5 Days To Go

Well if you’ve been keeping up with me and read my entry for yesterday you will know that I was horrible and got on the scale.  So seeing that I didn’t have that much to eat yesterday, not because I’m trying to starve myself but simply because I was quite busy at work and eating didn’t really cross my mind. Hmmm, maybe after seeing my weight this morning I shouldn’t have eaten at all.  Yes I got on the scale and it showed me to weigh 204.1 pounds.  So I only lost 5/10 of a pound.  How disgusting is that?  I’ll tell you…It is very disgusting.  Stupid me had to go and get so darn large and now I’m struggling to get it off.  I see other people around me and they easily drop weight with slightly adjusting what they eat.  I will not count calories, I hate living by counting things and counting carbs is bad enough but at least I like what I eat now.

So I lost half a pound and I’m really pissed.  I’m hoping to get on the treadmill today and do some walking while at work and then after work I’m going to have to stay and do a light workout probably using body weight exercises and maybe that will kick my body back into the losing stage.  I really am extremely frustrated and just want to scream bloody murder…”BLOODY MURDER!”   Damn I don’t feel any better.

I decided that in looking back on what I was eating, I was really eating good by having fried chicken and mashed potatoes and vegetables so I will have to focus on eating much better like week one and for the next few days I’m going to have to exercise a whole lot, like walking every day and start doing body weight exercises.  I continue to ask myself why I’m doing that and the only answer I can come up for me….I’m not talking about anyone else but for me….being fat sucks!  I hate the way the clothes fit on me, I hate feeling as if I can barely fit in a chair, I hate having to think whether or not my kayak can hold my weight (yes it can hold my weight but it does have a limit of 250 pounds).  I know I haven’t been kayaking this year so far but the water is still too cold and although we’ve had some warm days, not enough to warm up the water.  I have a cheap kayak and where I sit down are where two scupper holes are located, so needless to say my bottom always stays wet, not a great feeling so that is why I wear my swimsuit under my clothes.  I think this year since I’m going to Canada with a group and then to DragonCon that I can’t afford to buy the kayak that I want which will be about $800 or the one that I really want which would be $1,500.  But until I win a huge jackpot lottery I will have to struggle and save a whole hell of a lot.

Right now I’m toasting bread so that I can make chicken cordon bleu and other than the bread crumbs on the outside of the chicken, it is good and not going to knock me out of the ballpark on the carb count.  Yes I’m extremely disappointed with my weight and the stagnation puddle that I’ve hit but I’m determined to be under 200 ponds upon weigh in on Sunday which means I’ve really got to push it these last 5 days.

I started my push at work, I was getting frustrated because I keep on asking my group going to Vancouver where they want to stay but still I haven’t gotten a reply so my frustration began to grow and rather than act like a horse’s back side I decided to go walking.  So I went and walked 2 miles on the treadmill and guess what?  My frustration I was feeling went away.  I started to feel it again so I decided to start writing here.

Guess I had better start listing my food and get it over and one with.

BREAKFAST:  coffee, 2 strips of bacon – 2 gm

LUNCH:  Marie Calendar’s chicken pot pie – 38 gm

DINNER:  Chicken Cordon Bleu – 18 gm

I’m really pushing it at 18 grams with dinner because I really don’t think that I used that much in bread crumbs when coating the chicken.  I guess I just cooked it to prove that I could but I think next time I will be a bit choosier about the chicken breasts and be a touch more tender when I pound the chicken breasts.  But the taste is good and that is all that really counts.

I will try to work out after work but not sure if I will be able to do it.  I may just do a very light work out with body weight so maybe I should do a little more searching and find the exercises I want to do so I will be prepared for later.  So later days and I guess I’ll catch you tomorrow and I promise not to be as frustrated or upset with myself or anything else.

Oh yeah and I will stop my princess and the pea routine.  I had hurt my back the other day and had gotten the air mattress out and put it on top of my regular mattress.  It is a queen air mattress with a double layer and put it on top of my regular mattress which meant that I had to use a kitchen step stool to get up onto my bed.  Earlier today I deflated it because my back is feeling much better and it is time for me to start cleaning up things before my brothers come in this weekend.

So now I’ll sign off and do some body weight exercise searching so I will be ready when 2300 hours hits.

Exhausted With 8 Days Left

This has been an exhausting day.  I went to bed early last night about 2250 hours and was really tired with a touch of soreness in my lower back and I was quickly asleep but my sleep only lasted for about 40 minutes and that was the end of my sleep until about 0250 hours this morning.  so then I got up at 0610 hours and started getting ready for the 5K race.  Well I got up in time but boy was I tired.  I ran into a few friends from work but ended up walking with one of my friends.  Little did I know that I would walking at a much faster pace than I had planned on taking but it paid off, I finished the race in 55:05 minutes which for me is a great time.  I know that it really raised my heart rate which was a good thing and it really got me moving.

I finished the race and passed on the bananas that they were offering because it is too high in the carb count so I said so long to my friend got in my truck and drove home.  I had time to shower and then grab a quick bite before rushing off to get a massage.

Well it was interesting and he took the time to test a few things out and he said yes I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome but there is also something in my upper shoulder/arm area which also is causing some of the problems.  So for almost an hour I got a massage and had some pain but it was worth it because the amount of numbness in my middle finger has improved quite a bit but I have exercises that I must do and I’m suppose to call him by Tuesday and let him know how I’m feeling.

So I tried to take a nape after the massage because 1-I was tired and 2-my back was sore…very sore.  Well I tried to lay down and it was hot in my bedroom.  So I shed the covers and tried to take a nap but thanks to my brother destroying the mattress that he left behind the middle of the mattress is damaged and all I can do is suffer through it.

Okay so I had bought an air mattress and thought it had a pump built in….wrong.  So we had to go buy a pump so off to the store I go and buy the pump.  I start to read it and learn that I got the wrong type of pump, it needs to be charged for 10 hours before it works.  Then I look around and discover that there is no power cord to the pump.  Which means the pump has to be returned because it isn’t working right and I will end up still sleeping on a horrible mattress.  I had wanted to buy a Sleep By Number bed but that didn’t work out and then I find out that the cheapest bed which was what I had planned on buying had several draw backs.  One problem is that they say you should lower the number until you decrease the red in their demo board.  Well unfortunately that means most people have to go down very low and because of that it means that you are closer to the baseboard so you don’t get a good sleep.  In order to avoid it you have to buy a super thick foam that makes the bed warmer which isn’t good for me because I’m like a mini heater.  So that means that I will have to buy a more expensive sleep by number bed or else get a new mattress.

That is a lot to think about especially with my friends wanting to do a trip to Vancouver in June and they want to stay for 9 days which means it will be expensive.  So I’ve got to make sure that I have money put aside because I do not make a whole lot of money where my friends are mostly computer programmers and make a heck of lot more money than me but we’re geeky friends.  Well I guess it is time to start budgeting for the trip so when I take my trip (DragonCon) during the labor day weekend so time to really save.  Also need to save because I want to buy a new camera for conventions which is a bit more than a point and shoot camera.

Well enough about that stuff, time to list what I’ve eaten for the day.

BREAKFAST:  eggs w/cheese, coffee – 3 gm

LUNCH:  bacon cheese sandwich – 20

DINNER:  1/4 medium size Margherita pizza, spinach/mushroom/chicken lasagna – 62 gm

Well as you can see my carb count is a lot higher today but I have to admit that I’ve been hungry most of the day.

Okay well I have to admit to a cheat that I did today.  I stepped on the scale this morning and almost broke down crying.  The scale showed my weight to 204.7 pounds and that obviously upset me but I still behaved myself sort of today.  After the race today someone told me to weigh myself which was better, 203.6 pounds.  Now that is less but one of the problems that I suffered is the fact that I haven’t had much sleep and we all know how good sleep is for us especially in trying to lose weight.  So tonight I’m going to try and go to sleep early before the weigh in tomorrow which I really hope will make me smile.  There is one good thing about eating my dinner although it was really pushing my limit, the good thing was that when I ate at about 1900 hours and I have not had anything to eat since then, just the last of my drink (non-alcoholic) and swallowing a few more ibuprofen tablets to ease the pain in my back I had from hiking and walking today.

I will probably end up doing more massages to help ease the pain in my back and to just make me feel better as I continue to be primal.

So hopefully I will be writing a happy blog tomorrow but the way things were I’m beginning to wonder and panic about tomorrow morning’s weigh in.

Day 11 Was Good

I’m sure you’re thinking, yeah right day 11 was good but you might doubt it because I forgot to write about it, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t stay on the primal path.  I stayed true to it and I also exercised.

It was a busy morning, I went to bed late and woke up later than I wanted so that meant that I had to get busy and clean up so I could go grocery shopping so I could get things to keep me true to the diet.  So off I went grocery shopping without a chance for breakfast but I wasn’t really hungry until I got home from shopping.  Well I decided it was time to eat so I had a great lunch, a chili cheese dog and chips.  Now I’m sure you’re thinking.. whoa there that can’t be right!  Well I bought turkey franks which only have 5 grams of carbs per frank, I use regular bread, hot dog chili and shredded cheese and when I’ve been eating chips they are Fritos.  They give a carb count on Fritos based on 32 chips which have a carb count of 16, so I’ve only had 16 chips each time, just enough to let me eat them but not go crazy.

Let me go ahead and get the food listing over with and then I’ll talk about the rest of the day.

BREAKFAST:  Oops, missed it.

LUNCH:  2 chili cheese dogs and Fritos – 40 gm

SNACK:  coffee w/creamer – 2 gm

DINNER:  salad, cheesy hash browns, cheese hamburger patty, pea salad – 30 gm

Well now that the food listing is over I can figure out why so much of yesterday was just a good day…oh yeah it was although my work partner was an EDQ earlier in the shift, by the end of the evening she was almost as if she was out of steam and had settled down.  Of course in the beginning of the day she was yakking and of course she had to tell us about the latest problem with her puppy.  When I told her that she needed to correct her dog she said that she knows what she is doing because her other two older dogs used to do that but then they stopped doing it now that they are older.  EDQ continued telling anyone who would listen about her dog until they finally told her to stop and told her how to correct it. The funny thing was she listened to them and their reasoning and EDQ got very quiet then, as if her feelings had been hurt but she started looking on the internet to watch Nancy Grace.  So it was a relatively quiet evening and it made it rather pleasant to work on the night.

So it was an interesting night after EDQ talked herself out and best of all is that everyone is beginning to see how annoying EDQ can be so more of them are telling her to stop repeating things.  Finally someone else sees what hell I’ve been through the last year.  The first eight months she was assigned to work at the location she was loud but not as loud as she is now and she wasn’t as excitable but that was then and now, well now I guess I just have to put on a thicker skin until she tires herself out which means when most of the personnel leave work which is 2000 hours, which means that for 5 hours I have to put up with her but I can survive and I will.

One easy way is for me to think about what I need to do in the form of exercise and usually once things slow down, I will take my break and go walk on the treadmill which makes her answer the phones and pretty much makes her stay at the desk.  So I think I will try to take my break again, for almost 5 years I have not had a chance to take my breaks so now on the days that I have a partner I need to do some walking on either the treadmill or else out in the parking lot.  So yippy for me a way to work things out for the betterment of me by walking.  The more steps I take the better off I am for the day and it also helps me to lose weight.

So I did 1 1/2 miles on the treadmill and that combined with my walking around at the grocery store gave me almost a count of over 10,000 steps for the day.  On day 11 I liked my step counter but I don’t have a good feeling about today’s step count.

Got home and had a couple of shots of double chocolate vodka and went to bed relatively early.  So now I’m off to start working on today’s (day 12’s entry), so I’ll see ya soon.

Electronic Frustration on Day 9

Right now I’m going crazy because electronics are not my friend.  I plugged in my pedometer and it downloaded right away but then my laptop got stuck on something and being impatient I decided to turn it off and then turn it back on so that took a bit of time.

Wait, let me back it up a little and let you know why I’m so frustrated.  Okay so I didn’t get to bed until after 0200 hours this morning…yeah, yeah I know I should have but I didn’t because after I got off last night I had to do some shopping so I would have food for breakfast this morning making my arrival home even later.

Just went to bed when I heard some clicking noise from something electronic and automatically suspect my DVR.  Long story short, I lost all of my recordings and it was at 80% full and some of those movies I recorded from TV had my friends in them.  Oh well will have to wait until next year to possibly see them or until Netflix puts them on.

So I went back to bed because that started happening at 0300 hours in the morning but then 30 minutes later it started clicking again and then 30 minutes after that, so I unplugged it or so I thought but I unplugged my printer instead because at 0445 hours the clicking started again.  This time I made sure to unplug the DVR and finally got some sleep.

Got up and the DVR worked because I got the cable shows but it would not record.  So I called the cable company she said she was shocked the unit still worked because clicking was the hard drive going out.  So I exchanged units went home and plugged it in only to have the screen say I wasn’t authorized.  Yeah now I’m trying hard not to be mad after waiting in a long line to exchange the devices so I call tech support and they tell me to unplug and plug and end up doing it twice as well as disconnect cable.  Then the tech said I wasn’t getting a signal, funny but I had one earlier today, so now I have to wait until tomorrow afternoon to have the cable man come out and check the signal.  So no cable tonight but since I work late I guess that isn’t too bad.  Maybe I’ll go to bed early…..Nah, I’ve got DVD movies so knowing me I’ll be up late.

But then again maybe not.  I just remembered that today after getting the new DVR I stopped at the liquor store and found a mandarin orange and a double chocolate flavored vodka.  Hey no carbs in those so maybe I’ll try both flavors.  Meanwhile let’s see what I have eaten today.

BREAKFAST:  coffee – 2 gm

LUNCH: guacamole cheese burger, 16 Fritos – 31 gm

DINNER:  salad, shrimp alfredo, burger patty, mashed potatoes – 25  gm

So that is what I’m scheduled to eat for the day, and I’ll let you know if I change anything up.  Finally I think that my stomach is shrinking a bit or maybe I’ve just gotten used to having more protein and keeping my carb count low.

Now I’m not expecting a large loss like my scale showed on Sunday morning and believe me no one was more surprised than me to see the weight loss but I guess I’m just a little bit worried that I might gain although I’m being more careful than usual about what I consume and when I consume.  I still haven’t quite gotten to the ideal time consumption of carbs, with good carb consumption in the morning, better 2 hours before exercising and best to consume carbs after a workout.  So until I can get things figured out about my schedule to exercise because lately instead of everything going as usual, things are kind of weird.

Oh and now getting back to the frustration from electronics, apparently the trouble followed me to work.  My laptop would not connect with the internet connection at work and had to do a reboot, yeah I know I probably have to buy a new laptop since I bought it in 2008, so finally after 2 more tries it connected.  But my desktop at work was working fine and then I wiped down the screen with a static free cloth and all of a sudden the colors on the screen faded and soon everything was becoming transparent…really weird I know.  So I had to shut down the desktop computer and of course things got busy at work and I needed my machine.

Now two reboots later everything even my laptop seem to be moving okay obviously with me entering this and so far it seems as if my electronic frustration is coming to an end as the day gets closer to the end of the day.

On a good note, I contacted a person for neuromuscular massage and I have an appointment during my days off so maybe I will get some relief from CTS and possibly get feeling back to the tip of my bird finger.  So I’ve avoided flipping off people since my bird finger (middle) has been numb.  Okay so I’m stretching things a bit…my other hand works perfectly fine and I’ve had to test it a couple of times on crazy drivers.

Okay I’m done being bad and just waiting for the day to end.  IS IT OVER YET?!!

Day 4

Well I thought today would be a relatively easy day, well that went to hell in a hand basket real quick.  So I get up and everything seems to be okay, I take my mother grocery shopping and mostly everything goes okay but that was after the poop hit the fan the first time.

I had ordered a plane ticket for my mother so she could fly out and see our friend who is dying of lung cancer, she even said it was okay to buy the plane ticket yesterday.  So I thought I bought her one but it turns out that the sale did not complete and so I called the airlines asking about it and was told that the sale did not go through and that I would need to go back on line and re-order the ticket.  Well my mother said to never mind she would take the bus, so no problem…right?  NO!

After 0230 hours I received a text message from the airlines giving me the plane ticket information as well as the itinerary so it turns out that the sale went through but it took this long to register.  So I finally went to bed shortly after that and decided that I could wait to tell my mother about the ticket going through, she needed to stay asleep.

So when I remembered to mention it while we were grocery shopping she got very upset stating that she didn’t want to fly and she hates to fly.  She has problems with her ears not popping and now she doesn’t want anyone to see that she is too weak to put her carry-on bag in the overhead bin.  So I have to cancel the ticket only they tell me that since the ticket was in my mother’s name only she could use it although I bought the ticket.  So I sent a message to customer relations on the airlines and they will get back to me with more details.  Things aren’t looking too good and it looks like I spent $140 for nothing because unless they let me pay $11 more dollars and turn it into a voucher under my name since I paid for the ticket then that will be wasted money.  My mother was adamant about not flying any more, so it looks like my day is just getting crappier.

As I’m trying to wolf down my baked potato lunch I started getting text messages from EDQ (my work partner) still fishing around trying to find out what is wrong and how she is under soooo much stress from her friend and the still-born baby.  I still am trying to keep it quiet as to what is going on with me although she unfortunately knows about me putting my dog to sleep.  It might have been okay at 1 text but EDQ keeps on texting me and sends me 3 more texts saying she is under so much stress.

I thanked her but told her to stop because I have other private things and I prefer to deal with them on my own and not have them broadcast to the station.  Of course EDQ took offense but I stepped down and didn’t write back.  I get to work and one of my co-workers is asking worker if they can give something so I said I would try to bake a cake.

Less than an hour later EDQ is texting me at least 5 messages saying that I could have called if I wanted to find out what was going on, I wanted to yell at her that I asked her if she would call me and let me know because I didn’t want to ever interrupt any of her time with the family and said that last Friday.  Then she keeps on saying she didn’t appreciate what I said about it being broadcast.  Well I wanted to yell at her again that here is the proof.  I only told 2 people at work about having to put my dog down and one of them was EDQ and guess what the whole station now knows and my captain came up and extended her sympathies but I was an ass and was freaking out and sort of snapped.  I apologized and thanked her for her sentiments and later sent her an email again apologizing for my behavior.  Doesn’t pay to piss off a captain.

So if the Captain knows about me putting my dog to sleep and the other person I told hasn’t been to work since I told her, then guess who…yep…Ms EDQ told everyone else my business.  I’m busy trying to do my work and she is still texting me. I finish what I was doing and tell her I appreciated her concern but asked her to stop and let me handle things my own way.  Well of course that offended her and someone working around me saw me start to lose it.  I accidentally slipped about the one of the other tragedies happening to me and suddenly realize my mistake.  She is the one who texted the EDQ that I was going to bring a cake so I quickly told her that I did not want anyone else to know what has happened to me and what is going on and asked her not to reveal my secret.  She saw how upset I was and said she would keep my secret, I can only hope.  Then she kept hearing my phone chime and asked if that was EDQ and I said yes and she apologized saying she knows it is rough and she would distract EDQ which she did and it let me get my work done.

Now I had figured that today would be a relatively stress free day at work but boy oh boy was I wrong.  I’ll be surprised if I don’t have at least 5 more pimples or blemishes pop up on my face.  I’ve got to learn how to do quick meditations to relax me because I can’t keep on grabbing a drink every night after work.

Well I’ve been pushing the envelope when it comes to eating today so let me get right down to it.

 

BREAKFAST:  1 cup coffee w/creamers, 2 strips of bacon, 1 square of milk chocolate   – 13g

LUNCH:  1 medium size baked potatoe w/cheese/hot dog chili/ranch dressing    – 53g

DINNER:  1 – serving of pot roast, mashed potatoes, green beans   – 25g

Well in looking at it, I’m damn close to 100 but thankfully not over.  So although my count is at 90 grams, I really don’t want to push my luck.

I’m so tired of being stressed out and it would be okay if it involved work but when someone at work is bring way too much of their private to work….well it pushes me to the limit.  Saddest thing of all is that one of the guys here at work looked at me and asked if I was getting enough sleep because he said I looked tired.  Funny thing is that I’ve been getting about 6 1/2 to 7 hours of sleep but because of all of the stress I’m looking exhausted and I can feel the stress even in my chest.  I might take tomorrow off and maybe give my head and heart time to relax.

Actually looking forward to seeing my relief tonight because he is going to talk to me about getting the door on my mother’s back outside door replaced and I will show him pictures to see if what he suggested will work.  Here’s hoping!

Oh yeah, I guess I need to confess something and no I’m not talking about anything religious.  I decided that I was going to get on the scale even after I had breakfast and much to my surprise it read 207.1 pounds and so that means that I lost 2 pounds.  Pretty cool if you ask me.

 

GOOD: Keeping my carb count under 100.  So far a 2 pound weight loss.  Good sleep but obviously not enough sleep.

 

BAD:  STRESS!!!!!!!!  And More STRESS!!!!!!  Also bad is my letting this bother me too much.  Still need to focus on mini meditation sessions.  If I could handle the stress then maybe soon I could stop having what I did that was bad.

Still a work in progress

Day 3

I’m screaming crazy today.  My stupid Extreme Drama Queen work partner came back from dealing with the mentioned subject that I swore I wouldn’t talk about.  She explained all about what she has been doing to everyone else in the building but me.  Then she asked if I had put down my dog and I said yes and she started to tear up…can you believe that, she started to tear up.   She has never seen my dog, has never met my dog and doesn’t even know the name of my dog but she starts crying and then she adds that bit of information and starts going around crying on everyone’s shoulders about how I had to put my dog to sleep.  Hell I’m the one that put her to sleep and I really didn’t plan on sharing that with anyone else other than those I had talked to but what does EDQ (sorry Dairy Queen) do, she goes around the building telling everyone my business.

She acts as if she is the only one who knows what happened and I’ve heard the story at least 10 times today.  Then she cries because someone violated policy and when someone reported that person, well his boss fired him so of course EDQ had to cry about that bit of information and then she went around blaming one of the other co-workers for the guy being fired, getting everyone riled up about the firing.

The only good thing is that the EDQ is taking off tomorrow, although it is not listed in the books, but that means a quiet day for me.  Also what bugs the crap out of me is that she is trying to get everyone to fork over lots of money so the people with the dead child will not have to pay for the burial of their child.  She is way over the line in asking for our department to cough up the money to pay for something like that.  We have just over $800 and no one is willing to give more but EDQ is going to badger people until they give more.  I hope they tell her to jump in a lake.

MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!

 

Okay I think I’m a little bit better for the moment….I hope.

So my stress level is almost off the charts and it has not done any wonders for my blood pressure except keep my blood pressure high.  I know I took my blood pressure early in the morning but I was already stressing out about what I would have to face today and it was just as bad if not worse than I had expected.  I’ve got to learn how to meditate and do one of those 5 minute calming meditations.  Maybe I should try and find someone in the area who could help with it and if not maybe I’ll talk to my Acupuncture doctor about maybe helping with my stress.

Unfortunately I learned that I will not be able to go see my brother’s mother-in-law this week (you know the one that I mentioned is dying with cancer) but I hope that she will be okay until next week when I try to break away to go see her.

Well I guess I should really get to the meat of things which is what I’ve been eating or not eating.

 

BREAKFAST:  coffee w/creamer and 2 strips of bacon   –  6 grams

LUNCH:  tunafish sandwich w/slice of cheese  –  26 grams

DINNER:  trail mix – 17 grams

 

Well as you can see I really haven’t eaten very much so knowing me now that the EDQ has left the building and I get this last hour of peace to myself, I can finally relax.  Unfortunately that means that as I’m relaxed my appetite is coming back on me, so maybe I can find something healthy to eat at home.

Oh yeah, I guess I should tell you that yesterday was very stressful for me.  So stressful that I went home and had 3 cordial shots of Limoncello and boy did that hit the spot.  I also had some cheese and bacon.  The best thing of all is that I only had about maybe 2-3 more carbs and that was all.  So probably knowing me, I will go home and have Limoncello again for a relaxer if you know what I mean.

 

 

GOOD:  Carb counts for all 3 meals

 

BAD:  Carb counts for all 3 meals because I didn’t eat very well today.     Also the amount of STRESS that I had at work today was extremely bad and I almost lost my patience and screamed but then it would have just made people have more sympathy for the EDQ because she would have cried on their shoulders.

 

Well it looks like it will be Limoncello again tonight or maybe I’ll splurge and make a hurricane.  All I know is that I need a drink.

Day 2

Okay so this is one of the suckiest days of this year so far, and this month is the worse I’ve had in a very long time.

Let’s see why things are biting for me.  Last week a co-worker had a still-born baby and that the people at work are doing a lot of things to help the family.  Yet despite my being told about the still-born child I got left out of the loop of what they were doing for the family and then I got volunteered to make something for them which shocked the shit out of me and actually I’m quite upset for being left out of the loop and for being volunteered for something.  Okay that is the last time I’m venting about that…I promise.

Next bit of sucky information is the fact that today I had to put my 17 year old dog to sleep and that is never a good thing.  Thanks to those of you who sent kind words because it really did help.

So just as I’m preparing to take my dog out to my truck for the final ride and final vet visit, my brother calls my mother and tells her that his mother-in-law (our family has met her and really love her) has been told that cancer has returned to her lungs and that she is in great pain especially since she was also diagnosed with bronchitis.  Then my brother dropped the hammer and told us that his mother-in-law was informed by her doctor today that she has 2-4 weeks to live.  Then I had planned on visiting her this weekend but then it turns out that I have an acupuncture appointment as well as a hair appointment so I will have to pass on the visit.  If things turn out right then next week I will go visit her before it is too late.

This month really sucks!

Okay so let me get back on track and let’s see how I’ve done today.  I did not step up on the scale because they say that you shouldn’t weigh yourself every day and besides that it really wacks me out mentally.  So I guess I’ll at least wait a couple of days.

I looked at the carb count and realized something, I need the flavored creamer because despite my trying thick cream in my coffee, it gives me massive amounts of gas, so I’m back on the higher carb count of flavored creamers.  Maybe I’ll also go back to the half/half, less gas.

Breakfast:   1 cup of coffee w/3 creamers and 2 slices of bacon… – 15 grams of carbs.

Lunch:   Hash Brown Casserole small piece, Grilled Cheese Sandwich, 2 eggs scrambled… -41 grams of carbs

Dinner:  Hamburger patty w/slice of cheese, green beans … – 12 grams of carbs

Snack:   1/2 cup of Blue Bell’s Red Velvet cake ice cream… -24 grams of carbs

I really, really loved the ice cream and wanted more, much more but I put it back in the freezer.  It was one of the hardest things that I’ve had to do in the way of eating.  Seeing what a crappy day I’ve had, the temptation to eat the whole container of ice cream is there but each time I’ve had it, I limit myself to 1/2 cup of ice cream.  Guess I’m trying to make it last longer but don’t know if I can keep it up…the resisting one of my favorite ice creams.

It is on days like this that I wished that I still lived back in Colorado Springs and wish it was spring time.  I want to just go walking on some trail and loose myself from the rest of the world for a couple of hours and just let go of the sadness, but since I’m not there and someone has to work, even on holidays, I’m at work and doing a fair job of keeping things together.  Boy do I want a drink and I mean an alcoholic drink!

Okay the day is not over yet but so far I’ve had one crazy woman come up and try to convince me that her landlord has put pyrotechnic powder all over her apartment and that she can’t go home because she spilled some gasoline while trying to put gas in her vehicle and he some how manipulated the gas nozzle to spill the gas and so the vapors from the gas would get on her clothes and she would burn up when she went home.  Never mind the fact that there was not but a teaspoon or so that spilled onto the concrete but all of the vapors got on her clothes.  This is the fourth time she has come in complaining that she is covered with vapors or has something made some kind of complaint about vapors in her home, her car, her clothes and in public places.

If it wasn’t for the fact that this woman needs help it would really be funny.  There are too many people like her running around who obviously need help.      Okay so it is a little bit funny but at least I didn’t laugh at her but the circumstances were a little bit funny.

I’ve had an interesting day and still debating whether or not I will walk after work or not.  Got to think about it…it could be a good stress reliever because I definitely have stress today.  I wish I could figure out what I want to do but right now I’m still stuck at work until 11 pm so lots of time to determine what I want to do.  If I decide to exercise I’ll write about it but for now let me see what I’ve done good and what I’ve done bad.

 

 

GOOD:  Kept carb count for the day under 100 grams which puts me in the Primal Sweet Spot for Effortless Weight Loss  So yeah for that.  Here is another good point.  Last night as I tried to go to sleep I had less pain and numbness in my hand so perhaps that means that my acupuncture is working to relieve my carpal tunnel syndrome or at least helping.

 

BAD:  Under a lot of stress.  The above mentioned loss of friend’s child, putting my dog to sleep and my brother’s mother-in-law learning about her shortened life expectations.      Also bad is my lack of sleep, once again I’m only getting 5 1/2 to 5 3/4 hours of sleep and that does not help with the stress.  I’ve got to do better.