What am I going to do?

Exactly what I’m wondering, what am I going to do?  So you’re asking what I’m talking about, well my trip to Europe.  I’ve got 67 days to go and I’m no closer to losing weight than I was before I even bought my tickets.

So I met a co-worker who had retired and he looked great.  He had lost according to him, 42 pounds and he had been on a weight loss program since Mid December and it was the middle of February when I saw him.  He talked about the plan and said how wonderful it was and then said I should check with my employer because they pay for us to participate in a weight plan if we are morbidly obese.  Thankfully I’m not morbidly just moderately obese.

I’ve lost weight and I’ve gained it plus a bit more back, so now I’m wondering what in the heck am I going to do.  I was trying Slimvance pills but ran into a problem because I couldn’t remember to take the pill 30 minutes before eating.  Now if it was take a pill after I ate then it might be better but odds are against me even remembering what to do after I eat.

Now it would be great if I could just take time off from work and do nothing but focus on my diet and exercise but since I’m sure like all of you, I don’t have the luxury of just focusing on dieting, life keeps on interrupting what I’m doing.  Not having to deal with life’s problems would also decrease my stress.  Yes I carry a lot of stress with me mainly from my jobs and it tends to stay with me especially since I don’t exercise after work.

I like exercising after work but since I get off at 11p.m. (2300hrs) and by the time I drive to my gym, change clothes and get ready for my workout which only consist of 30 minutes on stationary recumbent bike and maybe lifting a few weights for my upper arm strength, then after stretching (I’ve learned to really do a good stretching routine after working out) it is usually 12:30-12:45 a.m. then I have to drive home.  By the time I get home and relax and catch up on mail and other things then shower, it is usually 3 or 4 in the morning.  Very hard to decelerate and shut down for sleep so usually I’m still up at 5 or 6 in the morning.  Which means I sleep in and that isn’t the best thing to do because I have errands to run.

So what am I going to do because I want to be at least below 200 pounds before I leave for Europe.  I won’t even talk about the stress I’m having to worry about with making arrangements for my nightly stays, way too much stress to carry around with me.  Sometimes I really miss living by myself, the only thing I was responsible for besides paying my bills, was feeding and walking my dogs.  Unfortunately my dogs are gone I have a hard time explaining that I need some time away from the house and everyone.  I miss living by myself.

Okay done feeling sorry for myself.  Now it is time for me to get busy and think of what I’m going to do because as of tomorrow, it will be 67 days until I leave for UK and start my European vacation.  At least then I will get a chance to be by myself.  I only managed to do it by saying it was an early birthday gift for myself since I’m having to pay for it all.  But I think I will enjoy myself.  I only have a partial itinerary for what I want to do.

Okay so now since we’re here talking about my stumbling weight diary, maybe I should get serious about what I’m going to do to lose a little bit of weight.  I’m also hoping to lose weight like I did when I last went to Europe.  I lost 20 pounds in 17 days mainly because I did a lot of walking.

I plan to be back tomorrow blogging about what I will come up with tonight to get me down to my first goal weight in 67 days.  So pardon me for cutting this short but I’ve got some research to do and I hope to be back tomorrow.

Advertisements

Uncle

Okay I know that I haven’t been keeping up very well in writing and I’ve no one to blame but myself because I get easily distracted.  Look over there…..ahhh, Shiny!   Yeah I get that easily distracted and now with that being said like the title suggests, I know for a fact that I lost the bet with myself and so I do not get the espresso machine that I wanted.

The only good thing about it is the fact that my wallet is happy about it because it means that I will not be spending the money on that because right now my wallet has taken some hard hits this summer.

Excuse #1:   For the last 3 years I’ve had my second vehicle just sitting in the driveway of my house.  In that time I have since learned, about 1 1/2 years ago, why my vehicle was acting up and odds were that it was due to a mistake made by the garage where the car was repaired.  Apparently an air bubble was in the transmission line so when the engine got up to running temperature, it would trap the bubble thus making me lose the use of the gears.  It would basically lock the gears into position and believe me, it is extremely hard to start a vehicle while in third gear.  Then the battery went dead and well my truck was still running and so I just kept on having that repaired.

This year my state is incorporating motor vehicle inspection with registration of my vehicle and so in order to register my car I had to have it inspected and there was no way out of it.  The only good thing was the fact that I wanted to get the car running, so when the tow truck came, we pushed the car out of the driveway and away drove the tow truck driver with my puddle jumper on the back of his truck.  I call my Escort a puddle jumper and there is a good reason why besides it being a name used for a ship on a favorite show of mine, Stargate Atlantis.  Trucks are rear wheel drive and because trucks are so light in the back, then tend to slip and skid when the tires are in water, but my Puddle Jumper has front wheel drive and because it is a manual transmission, it means that I can better control my take-offs and I don’t slip and slide around like in my truck.

So why am I telling you this, well it is because I just go socked with a +$1,000 repair bill for my Puddle Jumper which was good but not really, because I still had to get it inspected and registered.  So I don’t usually drive it as much because I like my truck and it is automatic transmission.  So I’m driving to work about a month ago, happy that I didn’t have to take out a loan from the bank to pay for my repair bill when another problem happened.  Some lady cut in front of my truck on the freeway as I was going 65 mph and then she hit her brakes, although there was no traffic problem, so I slammed on my brakes to avoid hitting her and my brakes locked up.  Do you know how hard it is to get over to the right side of a freeway (4 lanes) when everyone is doing 65 mph or better?  Damn hard is how hard it is.  So by the time I got off the freeway I was almost at the station that I scheduled to work at that evening so I drove into the parking lot of the station and the moment I took my foot off the gas the truck came to a halt.  Yes you could smell that the brakes were burnt up because they would not release.  My life officially sucked that day.  My brakes locking up is the same problem I have been trying to get my garage to fix for the last 18 months because it has been happening any time I had to do an emergency stop or a quick stop.

Now into the shop goes my truck and I’m very thankful that I had my Puddle Jumper ready to go, only I learned that they barely did things to get my Jumper running and now I have to go and do things such as put new sparks plugs in the vehicle and check out a few more minor things and then maybe the engine won’t conk out on me when I have the clutch in.

Excuse #2:   So my Baby Truck, which is what I call it since it is only a V6 engine, was in the shop for about a month.  I kept on hoping that they would not call me for a couple of more weeks but they called and said that the truck was ready to be picked up.  Now my wallet is crying because I had to pay $400 to get my truck out when I thought that the last time I paid to have work done on my brakes was the final fix….apparently not.

So yes I’ve been stressing about my financials big time because I didn’t even know if I would be able to make my yearly pilgrimage to Atlanta for DragonCon.  I tried riding my trike for some relief but that didn’t go too well.  I didn’t get off as early as I wanted and so I got maybe an hour of sleep before I had to get up and load up my brother’s truck so I could make my drive out towards West Texas for my next stage of my riding.

It was a hard ride and I later learned some of the reasons why I struggled with the ride.  It was at an elevation of 4,000 feet and I usually ride at 200 feet which meant that it was hard for me to breathe or even catch my breath.  Then my lack of sleep didn’t help anything either, because I could tell if the elevation or my lack of energy from lack of sleep had anything to do with the ride.  Last of all I was practically falling asleep all the way back on the drive home.  I had stopped a couple of times in cities for potty break and for drink break, heck I even did the tourist thing in Langtry, TX, home of Judge Roy Bean.  Hey they made a movie about it, look it up and enjoy it.

So I’m about 2 1/2 hours out from town and going 80 mph when the truck starts shaking, so I pull over figuring that I have a flat tire but I don’t hear or feel it on the truck.  I pull off the road and check out the tires but everything seems okay, so I get back on the freeway but the truck shakes again as I’m going 70 mph.  I finally find an exit and pull over into Junction, TX where I try to put gas in the machine but of course the card reader wasn’t working right at the machine so I had to go inside and pay and then I’m still trying to figure out what all of the shaking is coming from.

Long story short, I have to drive all of the back roads to get to my home town which normally would have been 2 1/2 hours of driving but instead it becomes almost a 4-5 hour drive as I have to take access roads and back roads and can’t travel above 45 mph.  I have now been up for 21 hours straight with only 1 1/2 hour of sleep the night (morning) I left for the ride in Marathon, TX.  Turns out that the tread was separating from the tire and I was lucky not have had a blow out.

So as you can see, me and vehicles are not going well together, besides I almost went broke putting gas in The Beast which is what my brother calls his Ram 2500 super duty truck.  Yes that means it drinks gas like it was going out of style and my wallet is almost $175 poorer because of the drinking problem The Beast has with gas.

Between my repair bills and gas bills I’m almost broke and still I’m trying to save for DragonCon because I refused to have a credit card.  I like not being in debt, it is a great feeling but sometimes….ouch!

About now you’re probably wondering what all of this has to do with me giving up and crying Uncle when it came to keeping the bet to lose 30 pounds before September 1st.  Well I’m sure that lots of you have the same problem and when the stress really hits, it just keeps you off-balance and no matter what I did, I got an upset stomach about every other day so nothing that I was eating tasted right and this summer I’ve been living on 4-5 hours of sleep a night.  No sleep, financial worries, stomach problems and just being frustrated got the best of me during my bet.

Now this doesn’t mean that I won’t try to get right back on the dieting…excuse me, get back into the better eating habits of times past and maybe something better will happen.  But for now I’m just now coming out of my worrisome slump and will use the few days I have less to investigate a few interesting recipes I’ve been looking at, only I don’t know when I’ll have the time to prepare them.  I know, I know….make time.  Well I’m just not that good of a baker or chef to make time.

All joking aside, I started off good but I find that I’m easily distracted.  I’m hoping that once I get back from DragonCon I will be able to start sleeping and eating better and maybe I can start seeing some results.  Oh I’ll get my espresso machine just not for some time.

I lost the bet with myself but I’m not giving up, I have a more fit person inside of me who is trying to get out.  Apparently she is not ready to make her appearance just yet, but soon I hope.  Hell I just need to win the Power Ball or Lottery big time so I can not stress out about my finances.

March Madness

No I’m not talking about basketball or brackets, sorry to get your hopes up but I just don’t understand that very well, I mean the brackets and not really interested in them…sorry for those who are into that stuff.  Instead I’m talking about my own March madness.

I have just erased what came out to 2 1/2 pages of wild ranting, mostly about my brothers and their lack of confidence in me.  Wow, I guess that just sums it all up, they don’t have confidence in me.  One of them was trying to lecture me about dieting and tell me some of the pitfalls of being overweight and then he dared to ask me the question, “Well have you ever tried dieting?”

Wow, it is hard when I diet because I let my mother know so that she will know when I’m there that I can’t eat certain foods and so she won’t grocery shop for me when I take her grocery shopping.  Any way, she always tells my brothers all of my business so she is a gossip mouse.  So that is why I got upset about my brother asking me if I’ve ever tried dieting.

Well since having dropped my mother off at my brother’s house so she and my sister-in-law could travel out of country, that was when my brother asked me about dieting, which just happened to have been the first weekend in March.  Thus starting out my March madness which is actually just frustration at my brother for his comment.

So now that I haven’t had to worry about taking care of my mother I’ve been able to actually regulate what and how I’ve been eating.  I’ve learned a few things about myself which is that I’m hooked on cappuccinos which I know is not the best thing to be hooked on but I only drink 2 a day at the maximum.

The week was going fine when suddenly while driving home from the bad side of town my truck breaks down, only it was very dangerous where it broke down so I managed to coax it along to stop about a mile away in a little bit safer area.  So now a week later I get a call from the garage saying my truck is ready and I almost passed out at the +$600 repair bill, but I guess it is better than a new car payment every week for the next 4-5 years.

So another brother lets me borrow his truck and mentions I might want to remove the messed up window tinting.  Well that is what I’ve been doing for the last few days and my fingers are slightly number from holding the razor blade at the correct angle to remove the glue still stuck on the windows once the tint was removed.  I only have the back window to go.  But, I managed to control my actions and besides removing the window tinting for the last few days, I’ve been careful about what I eat.

 

So now here is some good news.  I was relatively primal eating last week and I lost 4 .6 pounds.  Now unfortunately it is not still that way, I lost a touch more the next day but gained a couple of pounds in the last couple of days.  Some of the stress is coming back to bite me.  Plus I’ve been hungry and ate late at night although in general I’ve been eating primal.

Despite the stress with the truck, replaying my brother’s insulting questioning about my weight and dieting and trying to get other things done around the house; I’m now actually feeling pretty good about myself.  Yeah I have a big repair bill to pay tomorrow but I will have my truck back.  Yes I haven’t been eating completely primal, but I’m losing some weight, not as much as I would like but I know why it has not been melting off of me.  Oh yeah and I’m feeling good because I broke down and spent $$$ bucks on a coffee grinder to try and improve my espresso pulls on my cheap machine, then I find out something else I can do to improve it even better so I can enjoy the taste of my new coffee beans.  (Hey I have to look for the little rainbows for now.)

So as I finish up work tonight, I will go home and clean up my mess I left before rushing off to work and rig up my espresso machine for a good pull in the morning before I go pick up my truck.  I’ll catch the bus so then I will get just over 3/4 of a mile walk in early and hopefully it won’t rain on me as I walk to the garage to pick up my baby truck.

One last note is that I did something this last weekend that I think made a world of difference in my losing weight.  I went on a trike ride, but not an ordinary usual trike ride.  I’m making myself go to different places and to ride and push myself a little bit harder to get out and be in the world.  Okay so why is this last weekend’s ride so great, well I rode 65 miles on my trike.  If you remember I have a tricycle, pedal power and not horse power.  I took on some monster hills and climbed them on my trike and didn’t let them defeat me.

Yeah it took me longer to ride the 65 miles than I expected, it took me about 8 hours but the majority of those miles were uphill, yeah I got to ride down the hills but going up those hills were hard.  Yet despite it being a hard ride and by the time I finished the sun was down and my trike lights were fading as they ran out of power but as I rode up the last hill to where I had left my truck parked, I felt hungry and excited that I had managed to ride so far.  I also felt chilled because I didn’t bring my jacket, see I hadn’t planned on riding that far so it was great because I didn’t have to worry about anyone or anything (with the exception of traffic) while on my ride and so far that is the best trike ride I’ve ever had.

So I’ve slipped a little this week already but now I think I’ve released my frustration (erased pages of ranting) and I’m looking forward to the coming weekend and maybe I can get a trike ride in and if not there is always the next weekend.  I’m going grocery shopping tomorrow to replenish my primal pantry and continue eating primal.

Thanks for being patient with me and I’m back to eating good and maybe this time I will have a bit more success than earlier this year.  Hope you day is going okay.